Taylor Swift, Mistress of the Hunt, Defender of Maidens, Soother, Light-Bringer, Diana Venatrix in Keds by Taylor Swift for Keds Collection, stars in a new advertisement for cola pop marching onto TVs this Friday. For now, you can watch it above, if you are of age. It is too dark for children.
Premiering this Friday, the :30 TV spot opens on Taylor in an everyday life moment – playing with a kitten, giggling and sipping on a Diet Coke. To her delight, with each refreshing sip of Diet Coke, the kittens around her multiply until the room is overflowing with cute, cuddly kittens – a nod to the campaign's core question, "What if life tasted as good as Diet Coke?"
To her delight,
the kittens around her
mmmmmuuuuullllltttttiiiiippppplllllyyyyy until the room is
o v e r fl
The kittens do not appear to be multiplying in step with any pattern or sequence found in nature. They do not double or triple or square or cube; they do not follow Fibonacci's sequence. The only discernible rule is this: Every time Taylor Swift sips, many, many more kittens appear.
The portion of the story shown in the commercial ends on a cliffhanger: Taylor Swift's outstretched arm shooting up ramrod straight through an undulating wave of kittens. Her pale hand clenching a glass bottle.
Though the trajectory is clear, what happens next is left to the viewer's imagination. From the final shot, we can assume that Taylor, undaunted by the chaos she has so far wrought, will continue to take dander-laden sips of the apparently cursed zero calorie cola, causing the situation to escalate calamitously.
Over the course of the subsequent everyday life moments, the room would continue to fill with cute cuddly kittens, swelling in piles up to the rafters and spreading, as a thick carpet, into all four corners. The plaster walls would crack and crumble under the pressure exerted by the ever-expanding number of cute, cuddly kittens. Rippling, living mountains of cute, cuddly kittens would surge up from the floor and tumble over, only to surge up again, topping out at even higher summits. POP and HISS go the bubbles in Taylor's ice cold diet cola, and also the kittens, exploding out of nowhere. Outside, passersby would look up from their conversations at the sound of glass breaking as kittens burst through the apartment's windows, shards and kittens raining down on Franklin Street. No one will ever forget the soft thud. thud. thud. of cute, cuddly kittens slamming into concrete. Before they even learned to walk, they flew, and died.
It would be too late for Taylor, asphyxiated in her apartment—her mouth, nose, her ears filling with the furry limbs of a thousand warm, delicate bodies, summoned by her own greed. That would be just as well because the overlapping cries of mew mew mew mew mew mew mew mew mew mew mew would, by this time, have reached a deafening volume. She would be spared, too, the everyday life moment some afternoons later, when the cute, cuddly kittens would commence feasting on her slender corpse. And then, out of a lack of domestication, and out of necessity, and an inherent hunger for the nutrients found only in flesh, on one another.
Andrew McMillin, Vice President, Coca-Cola Brands, North America, described the spot in the press release as "lighthearted and fun," adding that it "genuinely shows, from Taylor's perspective, what her life would be like if it tasted as good as Diet Coke."
Another possibility is that the soda pop is an intoxicant and the kittens are a hallucination, because Taylor sees them only when she drinks.