Hey, guys—quick thing I wanted to talk about: Let's say you had sex on the subway, or masturbated, heh, or maybe you did it at home, or on the platform, and then brought the condom onto the train, carefully holding it upright so that its gloopy innards didn't spill onto your hands, and tied it to a handrail.
Next time—and it's really not even that big of a deal—don't do that.
Ha-ha. It's OK. Get your laughs out now. It wasn't so funny when an innocent straphanger almost gripped the little lube-covered present you left on the F Train this morning. Everyone has to use those trains, and when you do stuff like this, it makes us adults wonder whether why we even try any more, if you're not going grow up.
"I moved my hand on the pole to slide down a little and did a double take, because I realized, 'That's a fucking condom.' Just hanging there, tied like a balloon. It was eye-level, it was disgusting," Ryan Quinn, the guy who spotted the cum-filled rubber pocket, told Gothamist. And, you know, I take back what I said about it not being a big deal. It is disgusting, and you should be ashamed.
Another Gothamist reader, Whitney Jacoby, claimed she saw the condom hanging as early as Tuesday. Tuesday! If any of you would like to act your age and do the right thing, I'll be waiting for your confession in my office all day.