Here is some straight up bullshit: some scientist who like "playing god" are trying to improve on one of God's Greatest Creations—the incredible edible egg. NEWS FLASH, eggheads: it ain't gonna happen.

Improve on the egg, nature's perfect protein? Why not try to improve on something that actually needs improving on, like cars, or pants, or these so-called "budget" brands of American cheez that taste like petroleum? Those are areas where scientists could really put their worthless book learning to good use. Instead, they sit in their precious lab coats all day dreaming up ways to make eggs better than a chicken can, even though making eggs is the only god damn thing chickens do right. "Oh, here we have something full of protein and delicious and easy to scramble up with some pepper jack cheese, and on top of that we can sell em for two bucks a dozen. Hey, better change those!"

Ridiculous notion.

Nevertheless, the Wall Street Journal reports that egg companies have their scientists hard at work tweaking the chicken feed with this and that in an effort to "fix" the already perfect food. And what's all the kerfuffle for?

A longtime quest: To get enough calcium into eggs to brag about it on the label. Executives believe calcium is an appealing claim to most buyers, especially women.

This is what our scientists are spending time on, instead of figuring out how to make self-tying shoes, at last. Hey women: you want some calcium with your eggs? DRINK SOME MILK. For crying out loud. Must every foodstuff be scientifically engineered in order to maximize the laziness of consumers? What is next, peanut butter and jelly in the same jar?

You can't fuck with eggs. Give it up.

[Photo: Flickr]