“About ten years ago I had a crush on a woman at Fox News. She was a low level staffer. I was in college at the time. So I was going out on what I thought were dates. Chris, I thought these were dates. These were not dates. She was actually reporting back to Fox News about me. She was reporting back about what I thought of her and about CNN and MSNBC and Fox. Because I was a reporter on the beat, they were actually spying on me that way.” — CNN’s Brian Stelter, who is currently married to a former Fox affiliate reporter...

So you’re a journalist, you met a girl and she wants to date you. Here are some signs this woman is actually a Fox News spy:

1. She’s actually listening to what you’re saying

2. She says Shep Smith is for sure straight

3. She’s heard of Hamilton Nolan

4. She doesn’t immediately get up and leave when you say the words “Sean Hannity”

5. She asks about John Cook’s kids

6. She makes an unironic reference to the Benghazi movie

7. Peter Sterne follows her on Twitter

8. She says she was never sexually harassed by Roger Ailes

9. You are a reporter and someone expresses interest in dating you