As Sean Penn prepares to wed chilly ray of sunshine Charlize Theron, he took a moment to talk to Esquire about the previous Mrs. Penns, who are apparently doing okay and not great, respectively.

Penn's marriages to Madonna in the 80s and Robin Wright from 1996 to 2010 were—at risk of understating—fucking awful. But Penn says he's now on good terms with Madonna, who he once allegedly tied to a chair and beat for several hours. The other one? Not so much.

"I'm very friendly with my first ex-wife," he tells Esquire. "I would say that I'm on extremely good terms with the children I share with my second ex-wife."

Just to clarify, they're on worse terms than he and the woman who once had to call 911 to have Malibu police officers rescue her from him. But that's not even important, because Penn is finally awake and today is the first day of the rest of his life.

"You say I've been married twice before but I've been married under circumstances where I was less informed than I am today, so I wouldn't even consider it a third marriage, I'd consider it a first marriage on its own terms if I got married again," Penn says. "I mean, I like the tradition. A friend of mine wrote a line, 'Without tradition, new things die.' And I don't want new things to die."

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