What you're looking at here is the largest analysis of the words we use on Facebook ever undertaken. Look at the words. They are you. If you're a man, you care about "fucking metal fuck girlfriend league wishes." Ladies, you're partial to "shopping excited love cute dress yayyyy." Blame yourself.

It's never fun to look in the mirror and see something awful, but this is science, so I'm afraid we're just going to have to suck it up. The socio-linguistic study, published by a team of researchers from the University of Pennsylvania and Cambridge University, prove that despite all our grandstanding, we're all 9th grade cliches deep down. We're children, internet children, concerned with games and distractions and "war" and "mommy" and "besties" and "^.^" and "holy shit lebron." The study puts it plainly:

Many strong results emerging from our analysis align with our LIWC results and past studies of gender. For example, females used more emotion words, (e.g., ‘excited’), and first-person singulars, and they mention more psychological and social processes (e.g., ‘love you’ and ‘<3'–a heart). Males used more swear words, object references (e.g., ‘xbox’ and swear words)

Of course these are words weighted by frequency and correlation and other Minor Ivy League terms—most people don't actually write "FUCK PS3 MODERN WARFARE COD FUCKED 360." But still, pretty bleak—and why cod? Why are men talking about cod more than engineering? Why only mombirthday—where's dadbirthday? Do dudes hate dads? So, cool, thank you Facebook, for revealing that women have dresses and yummy on the brain, while their male counterparts are FUCK SHAVE XBOX video violence-mongers. This is what we get for being honest on the internet.