The person who sits next to you and fidgets all day—annoying, right? Well, guess what: you’re going to die long before them. You’ll be dead, dead, dead, your children in tears. They’ll still be alive.

The reason? Science, my good man. We’ve all heard what they say about sitting down: “Sitting down for hours a day will kill you. I’m getting a standing desk. Yes, I’m Steve, the guy with the standing desk, and I can’t stop talking about it.” Well Steve, a new study has found that fidgeting a lot while you sit—in the exact manner that I do, jiggling my leg here all day, proudly refusing to give in to the “restless leg syndrome” stigma that sadly marginalizes many of today’s innocent active-limbed office workers—will save your fucking life. From The Guardian:

Cade divided the women into three groups, namely low, middle and high fidgeters. Writing in the American Journal of Preventative Medicine, she found that women who sat for seven or more hours a day were 30% more likely to have died from any cause than those who sat for five or less hours, but only if they were low fidgeters. Those in the middle and high fidgeting groups had no greater risk of dying when they sat for the longer periods.

That’s right: if you fidget you don’t have to get a standing desk—or, god forbid, a treadmill desk.

Can’t tell me shit now (about not fidgeting)!!!!!!

[Photo: Flickr]