Sometimes drama just happens—you show up at a charity event and your rival is there and before you know it you’re screaming at each other and producers are getting it all on film, they love it! But sometimes drama percolates—a whisper in the wind gathers momentum, a tumbleweed roars across the barren tabloid wasteland. It’s salacious and scandalous—is it true? Next question, please.

Such is the case with today’s royal report—a completely unverifiable glimpse into the gaseous depravity of one Saudi prince, laid out in what can only be described as an overly optimistic civil suit filed by three alleged victims.

(The royal, 29-year-old Prince Majed Abdulaziz Al-Saud, was arrested last month after neighbors reportedly spotted a female employee bleeding and screaming for help. This week, the Los Angeles City Attorney’s Office announced he would not be charged with felony sex assault—not that it ultimately matters much: Al-Saud disappeared as soon as he was released on bail.)

But I digress—here it is—the drama I promised you, via the Daily Mail:

Court documents seen by Daily Mail Online disclose how he is accused of being drunk and high at his $37 million mansion in Beverly Hills and repeatedly making unwanted sexual advances.

The documents were filed by lawyers acting for three female employees of Al Saud.

They include a claim that the royal attempted to urinate on the trio while screaming: ‘I want to pee pee’.

He also threatened to kill one of the women if she refused to ‘party’ with him and jumped on top of another and began rubbing himself against her in a ‘sexual and aggressive manner’.

When asked to stop, Al Saud allegedly then yelled: ‘I am a prince and I do what I want. You are nobody!’

All three of the women claim to have seen the royal having his penis ‘stroked’ by a male aide and say they were forced to stay in the room and watch as the encounter unfolded.


Another says she was made to watch while a different male aide bent over and broke wind in Al Saud’s face – apparently at his request.

Princes and penises and farts and whispered promises of murder. Could things get any more dramatic? Is any of it true? I’ll let you in on a little secret: I have no idea.

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