Are you currently enrolled at Iowa State University? Do you have a pulse? Then Rand Paul wants YOU to attend to attend his post-caucus rally on February 1—very, very badly. So badly, in fact, that Paul is willing to personally vouch for you in writing to any of your future employers. As long as you just please say you like him.

Yesterday Rand Paul Iowa field director Billy Grant sent a particularly desperate email to Iowa State students offering letters of recommendation in exchange for attending Paul’s rally next Monday. Our tipster Ryan, whose friend is currently a grad student there and just so happened to be one of the lucky bribe recipients, forwarded us the offer below:

Of eight people Ryan’s friend asked, three of them received the very same offer. And considering Iowa State currently sits at about 35,000-students strong, it’s hard to imagine that whatever letter Rand Paul is planning to offer these kids will come any more personalized than [insert name here] has great taste in politicians.

Still, we’re dying to know what a death-rattling Rand Paul kickback letter of recommendation actually looks like. So to any Iowa State students who received this delightful little offer yesterday (don’t forget to check your spam folders!), we beg of you: Please, say yes. Go to the rally, get the letter, and send your new key to lifelong prosperity here.

Neither Billy Grant nor the Rand Paul campaign have responded to multiple requests for comment, but we will update if and when that changes. Until we receive confirmation from the campaign, there’s always the possible that this email was some sort of elaborate ruse. But assuming it’s not: Get rallying, kids—and make sure to email us all the wonderful things that Rand Paul has to say about wonderful you.

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