Do You Have Any Idea How Large Stoplights Are?

I really don’t think you do.

Investigation Opened Into Bizarre Death of Murder Family Housekeeper

The latest update in the story of South Carolina lawyer Alex Murdaugh, who recently hired a former client to kill him months after his wife and son were found dead.

Murder Family Patriarch Asked a Former Client to Kill Him

Alex Murdaugh, who survived being shot in the head, was attempting to secure an insurance payout for his son.

What Look Was the Most Patriotic at the America First Met Gala?

O say can you see? Well, let’s see.

No More With These People

We’re all set. :)

Miranda Kerr Has Always Wanted a Bathtub in Her Bedroom

And so here it is.

Well, I Guess I Was Right About Elizabeth Holmes

The Theranos trial has been paused because of a possible juror exposure to COVID-19.

Don't Tell My Friend When I Use Their e-Gift Card

A small ask for Big Tech.

No More “Deranged”

And while we're at it let's also ban "unhinged."

Matt Damon Shuns Twitter, Prefers to Issue Knee-Jerk Responses Through Other Media

He also has a secret Instagram account.

What Is Going on With This South Carolina Murder Family?

Alex Murdaugh, whose wife and son were murdered in their home, was recently shot in the head.

It Must Suck to Be Named Tromp

I say this as someone whose name is very similar to Kellyanne Conway’s.

McDonald’s McFlurry Machines are McUnder McInvestigation by the McFTC

The fed seeks to find out why they can’t reliably obtain a frozen treat.

What Could Erika Jayne's Cryptic Message Possibly Mean?

The Real Housewife shared a mysterious dispatch on social media.

In Heavenly Whoops, Pope Francis Accidentally Quotes Putin

In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Whoopitus Sancti. Amen.

You Know What's Easier Than Slapping a Peach Emoji Over Your Child's Face?

Not posting pictures of them at all.

Okay Weirdo, You Can Go to Mars for (Less Than) Four Years

Obsessed, much?

Let the Mets Boo Us Back

Relationship advice for Mets fans.

How Do People Get to Those Boats?

(Those boats out there on the water.)

So Spake 'th’ Guardian': Thy Youth Has't Updat'd Their Stylings

Oh, nay! Nay, youth!