Gannett, the owner of USA Today, announced that it is spinning off its more than 80 newspapers into their own company, because, ah... hey, good luck to all you newspapers, we wish you the best!

Other media conglomerates including News Corp, Time Warner, and Tribune have in the past few years made similar moves to cut their print assets away from their other, more modern media assets and "spin them off" into their own company, in the same sense that you "spin off" a trash bag for easier tying before you place it in the garbage can. At the same time as it places its newspapers discreetly off to the side, Gannet is spending nearly $2 billion to buy up the rest of A few things distinguish from, say, USA Today: it lacks a rich journalistic history; it has no interest in public affairs; it is just a website that sells cars; it is worth a lot of money; and it will be contained on the successful side of the new company, rather than the print side of the new company.

Those of you who bemoan the ongoing death of typed news printed on paper and thrown onto your doorstep, and gush over an imaginary golden age of newspapers that existed before the beeping blooping internet, do not fear. Now is your chance to put your money where your mouth is. Never before has there been such a pure opportunity for newsprint lovers to invest their life savings in such a wide array of pure print newspaper offerings. Buy now, and collect 'em all.

Go ahead.

[Photo: AP]