The first rule of public relations: when sending out a press release, make sure it is racially offensive, full of misspellings and grammatical errors, and— most importantly— strategic.

An unfortunate reporter forwards us today's hottest news:

From: David Johnson
Date: Tue, Sep 17, 2013 at 12:15 PM
Subject: Possible Story - How What You Eat Defines Who You Will Date
To: [Unfortunate journalist]

We all know the old saying we are what we eat. Well it also applies to who we date. Did you know that if you like certain foods it means you are attracted to certain types of people. If you like Italian, you are attracted to taller, more defined, athletic and passionate people. If you like Chinese you are more attracted to the wiz kid type. So what does the type of food you like say about who you will date? What does it say about your love life?

Able to discuss this and more is George Moufarrej, a leading relationship expert and author of the book, Sexual Euphoria. He has tips on what foods say about who you are attracted too and how what you eat affects your love life. He has appeared on CNN and in Cosmo for his expertise. Would you be interested in interviewing him on this?

Thanks for any consideration.

David Johnson

Strategic Vision, LLC

The website has a stock photo of a chess piece, so you know that shit is strategic.

[Feel free to send your own "PR Dummies" candidates to Photo: Shutterstock]