According to Buzzfeed, Pope Francis—who really, really, really wants you to think he’s cool—told Argentine newspaper La Voz Del Pueblo this week that he, like, doesn’t even own a TV.

“I have not watched TV since 1990,” Pope Hipper-Than-Thou claimed in the interview published Monday. “It’s a promise that I made the Virgin of Carmen on the night of July 15, 1990. I told myself: ‘It’s not for me.’”

If true, that means dude still doesn’t know who killed Laura Palmer. Unbelievable.

In the same interview, Francis reasserted his supposed desire to go to a pizzeria and enjoy a chill slice of ‘za—a shameless attempt at appealing to today’s food meme-loving Millennials.

Reasonably, the interviewer suggested the Pope could get delivery instead.

“But it is not the same,” replied Francis, surely flipping back one wispy bang.

God, just give it a rest, guy.

[Image via Getty]