Missouri senator Josh Hawley is doing the unthinkable by maintaining an edgelord podcasting empire with his wife and trying to run for President at the same time. He’ll probably win. You might think that I, a woman who made excuses for AOC’s Met Ball dress among friends, might think this is bad news for the country, especially for the sicko patriots among us who have masturbated before, unlike no-fap Senator who has utilized the symbolic month of No Nut November to come out against jerking it. But let’s hear this guy out, okay?
According to The Daily Beast, Hawley filed an amendment to the National Defense Authorization Act on the Senate floor to remove any language from the bill that would require American women to be drafted into the US armed forces.
“It is wrong to force our daughters, mothers, wives, and sisters to fight our wars,” Hawley said. “Our country is extremely grateful for the brave women who have volunteered to serve our country with and alongside our fighting forces. They have played a vital role in defending America at every point in our nation’s history. But volunteering for military service is not the same as being forced into it, and no women should be compelled to do so.”
Alright, this guy’s not totally talking crazy. I didn’t even know I was getting drafted before Hawley did this awareness-raising. And if Sen. Hawley is the only thing standing between me and the army, I guess I have to approach his politics with an open heart and mind. I don’t have children, I’ve had Lasik eye surgery, I’m done with higher education, and I could probably run a mile with a little accessorizing. Uncle Sam would want me, explicitly and in particular!
I can’t go to war. I can’t really even keep track of where the American wars are right now. Nevermind that I’m in my thirties with totally flat feet, a general fear of men, and a pretty bad attitude – I’m a feminist! Like Sen. Josh Hawley, who I thank for his service and for his podcast every day. Progressives, let’s listen instead of reacting for once.