Let me share a few headlines with you from over the weekend:
“Joe Biden or the new Mr Trump? Camilla 'hasn't stopped talking about' hearing the President 'break wind' during chat at Cop26 climate summit in Glasgow” — The Daily Mail
“Camilla Parker Bowles can’t stop talking about Joe Biden’s ‘long fart’” — New York Post
“Duchess of Cornwall 'Can't Stop Talking' About Joe Biden's 'Long, Loud' Fart at COP26” — News18
“Shocked Camilla ‘hasn’t stopped talking about’ hearing Joe Biden ‘break wind’ at Cop26 in Glasgow” — The Independent
Yes, according to a source who spoke to the Daily Mail, the Duchess of Cornwall was in the presence of — and I hate to write this word to you and apologize for doing so — a “fart” from President Joe Biden. This happened at the Cop26 climate conference in Glasgow. “It was long and loud and impossible to ignore,” the source said. “Camilla hasn’t stopped talking about it.”
I’m here to tell Camilla that she needs to stop talking about it — immediately. A coworker of mine shared the thought that “crop dusting the monarchy is Irish excellence,” and while I agree with the sentiment, I can’t … listen, I just can’t. I am not a “cool girl.” I don’t like talking about “farts” and “bowel movements.” If Joe Biden farts in front of you at the Cop26 climate conference in Glasgow, that is between you and Joe Biden. That is a secret that you have to keep, just like Joe Biden would keep the secret of you farting in front of him at the Cop26 climate conference in Glasgow, which maybe you did? Maybe this is a deflection — you know what they say about “whoever smelt it.” So how do you like that, Camilla Parker Bowles? You probably love it, actually. Disgusting. Horrible fart-loving woman, desperate to live in a fart world. Wanting to breathe farts instead of air. Absolutely foul.
Camilla Parker Bowles, I know you are obsessed with talking about Joe Biden’s “long and loud” f***. But some of us would rather not live on your fart planet. Let us exist in peace, without this fart knowledge. Tend to your fart obsession privately, for the love of god, or as you call him, “fart god.” Please.