Last month, self-made pharmaceutical billionaire Stewart Rahr, a man who would seem preposterous and unrealistic even if he were a character on an ABC Family drama, divorced his wife of 43 years, leaving her a settlement of $250 million. This week, he mass-emailed an orgy sex tape that he had filmed with three women in the back of a limo to tons of his society friends, unsolicited. Just cool people existing in the world doing normal things that they love!

The New York Post claims to have seen a portion of the tape that features 67-year-old Rahr (who calls himself "Stewie Rah Rah, No. 1 King of All Fun" although you shouldn't call him that, never, not ever) "murmuring appreciatively and urging the three brunettes to perform sex acts on each other." And then the women do! All the world's a stage and all the men and women merely players: They have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts; and sometimes that part is Short-Skirt Brunette No. 2 performing explicit sex acts in the back of a parked limo; and sometimes the entrance is through the rear.

According to the Post, Icona Pop's inescapable jam "I Love It," can be heard playing during the video, which is fine because that song has been ruined anyway. One recipient of the email, whom the paper describes as "disgusted," speculated that the tape was shot in the South of France. C'était un back of the limo orgy sex tape très chic.

While the Post does not identify specific recipients of Summer 2013's hottest porn, a CAPSLOCK HEAVY RANT Rahr wrote last year after being denied his favorite table at Nobu boasted a recipient list that reportedly included Leonardo DiCaprio, Alicia Keys, Andre Agassi, Donald Trump, Joaquin Phoenix and NYC Police Commissioner Ray Kelly.

A lawyer for Rahr released the following statement about his client's self-disseminated amateur porn film, and then was moved almost to tears by the violent beauty of the rivers of red as they flowed forth from his wrists and left stains on the cream carpet he would never see cleaned. "I'll miss the colors most of all," he thought to himself, as he began slipping in and out of consciousness. "And autumn."

“However inappropriate or offensive the footage might appear to some, all the women are consenting adults who were engaged in friendly, voluntary and lawful behavior.”

Earlier this year, Rahr donated $10 million to the Make-a-Wish Foundation, the largest single contribution in the organization's history.

According to the Post, the text of the sex tape email read simply “What a trip, what a crew!”

[NYP // Image via Getty]

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