Urban legends are, frankly, terrifying and unnecessary to share with me. But this weekend, dear reader, the most terrifying urban legend of them all became something much, much worse: a real thing that happened to someone.

Ever hear the one about the licking dog? No? Oh god, how I envy you. Ok, via Wikipedia:

A young girl is home alone for the first time with only her dog for company. Listening to the radio, she hears of a serial killer (or mental patient) on the loose, so she locks all the doors and windows (in some versions, the basement window is jammed open so she just locks the basement door) and goes to bed, taking her dog to her room with her and letting it sleep under her bed. She wakes in the night and can hear a dripping sound coming from the bathroom. The dripping sound annoys her, and she actually finds it unsettling for some reason. The bedside lamp won't work, and she is too scared to get out of bed to turn on the main light and walk over to the bathroom. She hides under the covers but to reassure herself that the dog is still under the bed she puts her hand down and feels licking on her hand. She lies awake for some time listening to the dripping sound and periodically puts her hand down to where she can hear heavy breathing and each time feels gentle licks on her fingers. Eventually she falls asleep. The next morning when she wakes, she goes to the bathroom for a drink of water. On the shower wall, written in blood are the words "HUMANS CAN LICK TOO", and her slaughtered dog is hanging from the shower head, its blood, now thick and dark, still dripping into the bathtub.

Fun story, huh? How'd you like to read it again (albeit without the fluids)... IN A PALM SPRINGS NEWSPAPER .

A stranger was knocking on residents' doors, drawing the suspicion of a neighbor who phoned the police. The neighbor watched the man walk toward the rear of a residence, according to the report.

Inside that home, a woman was searching for her two cats.

As the woman reached under her bed, she "felt she had touched human skin," an officer wrote in the report. "The suspect was hiding under her bed."

No word on the status of her cats, but goddamn lady you might want to have a friend check out the bathroom for you.

[image via Flickr]

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