In addition to announcing that today is Tony Bennett Day in the State of New York, Gov. Andrew Cuomo was found to have sexually harassed multiple women in a report from New York State Attorney General Letitia James. Besides being under criminal investigation, Cuomo is also facing mounting calls to resign, including from President Joe Biden.
Always prepared, Cuomo, who has denied all of the allegations, had his own report ready to be released soon after James’s. In the 85-page document, Cuomo’s lawyer states that James’s report “purposefully omits key evidence,” and since Sen. Chuck Schumer “describes his staff as a ‘family,’ enjoys teasing staffers about their relationship status and encourages them to get married and have kids” Cuomo should be allowed to kiss people who work for him without their consent.
If words weren’t enough to convince you that Cuomo is an innocent man who just likes to have a collegiate rapport with his employees and constituents, there are two sections of the report that are just photos — Exhibit 1 features photos of the governor manhandling all kinds of people, not just women he finds attractive; Exhibit 2 shows other powerful men (and women!) embracing people with whom they are not in relationships.
Without further ado, here are the top 10 photos from both exhibits that definitively prove Andrew Cuomo did not sexually harass any of the eleven women who have made accusations against him.
10. Andrew Cuomo kissing his father
It’s impossible to be a sex pest if you’re an Italianx man with a penchant for kissing your father on the cheek.
9. Andrew Cuomo standing with his mother
Making women uncomfortable? This woman looks comfortable. Did she also give birth to the governor? Sure, but he’s not making her uncomfortable.
8. George W. Bush kissing Oprah on the cheek
If George W. Bush can kiss Oprah, why can’t Andrew Cuomo tell a young woman who works for him that he is “lonely” and “wanted to be touched,” as she alleges?
7. Vice President Kamala Harris hugging a woman
Kamala Harris is allowed to put one single hand on a woman’s back but Cuomo can’t allegedly suggest to one of his female employees that they should play strip poker? Some world we live in.
6. Sen. Chuck Schumer hugging Sen. Harry Reid
Look how platonic this is. This is definitely what Cuomo was getting at when he allegedly groped the breast of one of his executive assistants.
5. Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and Hillary Clinton hugging
We love to see women supporting women. This is the spirit Cuomo was trying to evoke when he allegedly asked multiple women about their personal romantic lives. (However, women do not support men, as Pelosi is amongst the many people calling for Cuomo’s resignation.)
4. Andrew Cuomo bro-hugging Barack Obama
This guy was the president, and look how comfortable Cuomo is when being touched by him. There’s no way that if Cuomo was comfortable in this situation, that almost a dozen women were made uncomfortable by his many advances.
3. George W. Bush with a Hurricane Katrina victim
A hug with someone who almost certainly lost everything due to a natural disaster, how is this any different from what Cuomo did, specifically when he allegedly asked a woman he had never met if he could kiss her at a wedding.
2. Barack Obama with a Hurricane Sandy victim
If one photo with the victim of a hurricane wasn’t enough for you, how about two? These men weren’t acting disrespectfully, how have we cast Cuomo as the ultimate monster for using his power as governor to harass, touch, and belittle the women in his life?
1. Speaker of the House Pelosi holding Sen. Chuck Schumer’s face in her hands
This is actually just a normal way to interact with your colleagues.