Once upon a time, there was a little old man named Dennis Prager who wanted more than anything in the world to catch COVID-19. Desiring infection ardently, the right-wing radio host and PragerU founder presumably wished upon a shooting star and prayed to a God that accepts homosexuality but rejects gay rights. But more importantly, he went out and put in the work to make it happen: he “engaged with strangers, constantly hugging them, taking photos with them, knowing that [he] was making [him]self very susceptible to getting COVID.”
Someone up there must have been watching over the 73-year-old conservative conspiracy theorist, because Prager’s wish came true. He tested positive for COVID last week, he announced on his radio show with joy in his heart and virus in his body. “Which is, indeed, as bizarre as it sounded, what I wanted, in the hope I would achieve natural immunity,” he said, sweetly ignoring evidence that vaccination provides higher protection than whatever immunity is conferred from having caught COVID before.
Say what you will about Prager’s unorthodox use of manifesting — that he put others at risk by going on his hugging tour of “strangers in the thousands,” that his ingestion of ivermectin was pointless, that he’s a fucking idiot — but there’s almost a purity in what a freak this elderly bigot is. “And finally, I got it from somebody,” he said, his belabored heart probably pounding with excitement. “I have walked the walk on this matter and here I am.” Yes you are, sir. Congratulations on pursuing your dream.