Bankers Forced to Give Up Legal Stimulants
This is their 9/11
Sunday marked the 21st anniversary of 9/11, sending New York City into a somber mood. It was a time for honoring the thousands of civilians who lost their lives, for reflecting on the wave of faux-patriotic xenophobia that shaped the following two decades, for posting pictures captioned “Never forget.” It was a day to mourn what was taken, and give thanks for what we still have. But for the junior analysts at Goldman Sachs, some sadist God keeps taking. Here’s the New York Post yesterday:
As employees filed into the Wall Street giant’s headquarters in lower Manhattan last Tuesday for a mandatory return to a five-day work week, they got an unwelcome surprise: The “free coffee” station had been wheeled away, sources told The Post.
The complimentary “grab and go” station at the entrance of 200 West St. — cold-brew, as well as stashes of French vanilla creamer, almond milk, soy milk and half-and-half — had appeared during the pandemic to encourage attendance, according to insiders.
But the brass has since determined it doesn’t need sweeteners to get people back to the office, sources told The Post. Instead, management now believes the threat of getting fired should [be] more than enough incentive, the sources said.
You might recall that, during the pandemic, Wall Street’s latest recruits had made a habit of complaining about their working conditions. As a pro-labor shop, Gawker salutes any working citizen of the world in the battle against managers and the market’s invisible hand. Even if junior analysts make a base salary of $200,000; even if they may spend their long hours playing glorified slots with the one-percent’s principal investment, via an opaque network of offshore shell entities; even if they may be, in fact, serving a critical role in the immiseration of all other working people, like for example, when the bank bought $2.8 billion of state oil bonds from Venezuela in 2017 — while the country was suffering from widespread malnutrition, medical shortages, hyperinflation, and public protest — in a move that critics saw as providing the state with a “financial lifeline” and profiting off of “hunger bonds.”
They still work long hours and need free coffee at a grab-and-go station near the office entrance. As one analyst told the Post: “RIP to another pandemic perk for junior bankers. I’m sure the partners still don’t have to pay for their coffee — or anything in their fancy dining hall.”
Technically, Goldman’s serfs will still have free coffee. There are other stations throughout the New York building, including at something called the “Sky Lobby” on the 11th floor. The analysts also got free cupcakes on their first day back. But cupcakes mean nothing when you’ve taken 30 milligrams of Aetna-sponsored Adderall, and also that coffee is apparently “a hassle to get to and doesn’t have the same quality of cold brew.” That’s one thing they’ll never forget.