Welcome to the World, Repulsive Little Panda Cub
Congrats beautiful mama Zhao Mei on her fleshy pink tube
Great news, conservation lovers and fans of all things cute: The world has been blessed with another hideous little female panda cub, born to giant panda mama Zhao Mei on July 23 at the Chengdu Research Base of Giant Panda Breeding.
The naked mole rat-looking little fucker appears to be in good health, clocking in at a robust weight of 132 grams at birth, according to China Network Television-owned panda updates site iPanda. Mom Zhao Mei, who looks like a supermodel next to her disgustingly pink offspring, was filmed gently cradling her grotesque baby girl after birth, before handing off the fleshy tube to research staff for care.
Pandas are typically born unable to see, hear, chew, crawl, or urinate or defecate on their own. They are utterly helpless — in addition to resembling the back end of a bus — and require round-the-clock care. After three weeks, they get all their fur in, but they don’t stop looking like a gross-ass street rodent until about two months. From there, they’ll blossom into the plush balls of fur and mischief we all know and love, their round bodies and faces so evolutionarily adorable that they trigger dangerous levels of cute aggression in everyone within a one-mile radius.
Congratulations to Zhao Mei on her repulsive tiny bundle of joy, and congratulations to all giant pandas for beating endangered status! We love it when ugly ducklings-turned-hot swans come out on top.