New York City Is in the Throes of a Häagen-Dazs Heist Epidemic
Is New York a city in decline? DNAinfo reports that last week, an unnamed thief stole $113.80 in Häagen-Dazs ice cream from a Times Square Duane Reade. The news comes after reports of 10 other large-scale Häagen-Dazs thefts over the last four months. Forget about subway slashings—the ice cream thief’s spree is what New Yorkers should really be afraid of.
Shockingly, the New York Post, which ordinarily jumps at the chance to bleat about declining quality of life or draw conclusions about it from meaningless data, has not yet put this very real crime wave on its cover. HÄAGEN-BLAZ, the coverline might read, accompanied by a poorly photoshopped picture of Bill de Blasio eating ice cream with a fork and knife as the city burns around him.
DNAinfo has been following the story impressively closely, reporting that the thieves are most likely flipping their product at bodegas, not consuming it themselves. If you get your sugary dairy fix at the corner store because it’s cheaper than your local Key Food, now you know why.
One ice cream crew was arrested last month earlier this month after allegedly stealing thousands of dollars worth of H-D from stores around Manhattan. Last week’s bust suggest they weren’t the only ones in the game, or else they reunited for one last big score before they’re sent to the big house. (I’d watch that movie.) Either way, keep a watchful eye, New York.