According to director Joseph Kahn, for a few hours on the morning of November 10th, the yoohoos at Yahoo prematurely uploaded the unpremiered video for Taylor Swift's new single "Blank Space." While the file was pulled shortly thereafter, fan-uploaded versions continue to surface. It's a pretty fun video, particularly if you have ever wondered what Beyoncé might be like if she were white and insane.
"Blank Space" finds Taylor Swift living in a curiously atemporal country estate with a vague whiff of Grey Gardens about it, though less so than if it had been decorated by Swift personally. She wears lingerie with her weary cat in bed; she rides a bicycle around the library; she keeps two white horses in her bedroom
and a doe in her crying foyer.
But the parallels to a trio of videos from Beyoncé's self-titled 2013 album ("Jealous," "Haunted," "Partition") are unmissable.
Both singers' videos find them at opulent manors (Swift above; Beyoncé below)
gazing out at sweeping grounds.
Both women take slow, lace-clad walks down grand staircases
and meals, at tables buckling under the weight of candelabras, pineapples, and assorted gold.
The videos feature dashing capes.
The videos feature deranged cat ladies.
The videos feature erotic poses executed with varying degrees of success.
But whereas Beyoncé has not been goofy since she tried it one afternoon in 1998 and found it not to her liking, Taylor Swift defaults to joking around, perhaps as a defense mechanism to counteract her dorky earnestness.
So, while Beyoncé performs a sexy chair dance for her adult husband, Taylor Swift stands on a horse.
And mugs melodramatically for the camera like a silent film star.
And paints a portrait in oils of a man she is dating (a winking nod to her alleged "obsession" with men that she hates to talk about but loves to sing about and make music videos about).
As the video progresses, her behavior grows even more comically erratic. She begins performing actions that can only be described using the verb "GIF."
There's also a Mean Girls reference.
So, anyway, now we know what it would be like.