A German study has found that people who have the most sex also make the most money, further depressing the world's low-paid plebes who don't get any.

Scientists in the adonis-laden European country found that people who have sex more than four times a week receive a 3.2 percent higher paycheck than those who have sex only once a week. God forbid you don't have sex at all.

The study, done by the Institute for the Study of Labor in Germany (which usually issues reports finding only the most unimpeachable efficiency), also found that people who have more sex are happier and healthier and probably sexier.

"Wages are higher for those with extraversion and openness traits who are sexually active," the study found after surveying 7,500 German households.

Essentially, wages are higher for those who are down to get down. A lot. And in weird ways. Germany.