With a war underway abroad and gas prices skyrocketing at home, it’s time for America to ask itself some difficult questions: Would we have been in this position if NATO had upheld the former U.S. Secretary of State James Baker’s 1990 assurance to Mikhail Gorbachev that the organization would move “not one inch eastward?” Should we use this as an opportunity to establish actual energy independence and transition away from fossil fuels that are polluting the earth and will make it largely uninhabitable in a matter of decades? What did this guy put in his soup?
The posters over at 4chan have been duking it out over the last one. Last week, the food-related board /ck/ started a conversation about what they were eating that got so heated it made it to the Tumblr peoplegettingkindamadatfood and Ryan Broderick’s newsletter Garbage Day. This began with one guy asking “What are YOU eating right now?! Post your meals…” Then someone followed up with this:
One might ask who stands to gain from cutting apples like that. But a third anon raised a good point: “thats broccoli.”
Hard to say. Looks like shit to me. But a guy claiming to be the original poster, then writing under the name “Microwavebro,” returned to defend his dish: “No it’s Colinflower , it just looks like broccoli because of the lighting .”
Now things are getting interesting. Is this all a nasty trick? One poster thought so: “You cant gaslight me into believing I’m stupider than I already am.”
Has he considered that the two brassicas look different? Check out these ones:
The OP’s argument goes something like this: First of all, they’d forgotten to turn off a phone filter, which switched up white and green colors. Second: “Why would I call broccoli collinflower for no reason ?” Third: they are “serious.” They “know the difference between broccoli and collinflower.” They “eat broccoli everyday.”
Why can’t they remove the filter and show the original photo then? Listen, they’re not a time traveler. They’re not a shapeshifter. They can’t bend space and matter in defiance of Newton’s laws: “I only took the one photo with the filter . I can’t undo what has been done .” Microwavebro wrote, “Why would I waste my time going on the internet and making up the most ridiculous lie ?”
That’s compelling. I’m sure no one will be unreasonable about this. We took these tiny-fonted screenshots of how this went down, so feel free to follow along. Here’s someone saying he’s mentally ill and another saying he’s “never touched a woman in his life:”
Here’s someone calling him a “sad piece of shit,” “lying or fucking delusional,” and “too stupid to know the difference between cauliflower and broccoli:”
There’s a German in this one:
Is this guy fucking kidding? I don’t know, but someone asks:
Well, well, well. Game, set, match. It seems Microwavebro has posted about collinflower before. Moreover, he’s posted pictures of his broccoli groceries:
Oh word, seems like Microwavebro is pulling one over on us. He’s not even Microwavebro, but some other guy mimicking the OP’s signature spaced-out style. It seems he just loves to shitpost. And aha, who can blame him for that?
Soon, the real Microwavebro will rise and shine and we’ll all have a laugh over this:
Heartwarming. Now that we’ve reached a peaceful resolution, surely no one will add fuel to this fire. The war is over. The soup has won. Unless…?