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Exhaustion works like heavy drugs on Mariah Carey, which is to say hashtag-beautifully, as anyone witness to her Glitter-era breakdown or Home Shopping Network rambling knows. She performed today in Central Park for Good Morning America's concert series, and the gig forced her to wake up early. "I wake up at this hour," she explained. "I don't mean I wake up, I mean I go to sleep. It's kinda the same thing for me." Indeed. Me too in that this morning I sprang out of bed, turned on my TV and felt like I was dreaming.

She also said "shit" and recovered terribly, immediately acknowledging it and explaining that she said "shoot," like we're stupid or #dembabies or something. Her dress popped open in the back and she turned it into a bit. No nipples were revealed. Only a self-consciously demure goofball like Mariah Carey would drop an S-bomb instead of an F- one and have a malfunction of a wardrobe malfunction. Even her fuck-ups are classy or, you know, hilarious caricatures of class, dahhhlings. Highlights of her weirdness are above.