Maria Shriver Is Deeply Worried About Miley Cyrus Dating Her Son: Report
The former first lady of both California and Arnold Schwarzenegger is reportedly withholding her approval due to troubling concerns over the blessed union between her son and known penis aficionado Miley Ray Cyrus.
The relationship is "eating [Maria Shriver] up inside," reads a hilariously overwrought insider quote on Hollywoodlife.com.
"The birthday party with all the penis pictures disgusted her," the Daily News reports. "Maria is very, very worried about the influence Miley's having on Patrick."
Worse still, reportedly, are the karmic implications Shriver—this story's Cassandra, if you will—foresees for her son.
"She fully believes that you become who you surround yourself with and she's always been so happy with the friends Patrick chooses," the source added about Shiver's sentiments. "She never saw this coming."
"She's just being Miley. She's just being Miley," Shriver whispers to herself, slipping back into the dark, familiar nightmare. Is she asleep or awake? Does it even matter anymore? The dining room carpet sparkles with glitter; a faint dusting outlines the spot where Miley sat on Thanksgiving. A pair of plastic Miley Bob teeth still sit, glistening, on the credenza. Somewhere out in the night, her son is filming himself licking Miley's face. She has to do something. She gazes through the window, across the dark city, out to where the Pacific Ocean hugs the horizon. I wonder if I could convince Taylor Swift to come back, she thinks to herself. She wasn't so bad. She straightens her shirt and inhales deeply. This too shall pass, she thinks as she texts her assistant: "can u get me liam hemsworth's email?"