For the second summer in a row, '80s relic David Hasselhoff has starred in a deliberately cheesy advertisement for Cumberland Farms' Farmhouse Blend iced coffee. Last summer, the kitsch-nostalgia campaign was so wildly successful that according to the Boston Globe, the 600-plus in-store cardboard cutouts and pole signs of the Hoff were all stolen, later making social-media cameos at weddings, concerts, and even in a canoe.

New England's Hasselhoff rage was so fervent that WHDH, Boston's local NBC affiliate, quoted one Cumby's customer, Greg Mandel, as comparing the Hoff's popularity to “I don’t know, it’s just like Germany."

While Cumberland Farms adored the attention, they also told the television station that the Massachusetts-based convenience company did not condone theft, saying, "The Hoff is there for all to enjoy."

So when Cumberland Farms revived the Full Contact agency campaign again this year, they anticipated the second-run curios might again become scavenger-hunt spoils and doubled the print run to 1200 pieces. What they didn't anticipate was how frantically the locals still might want these souvenirs—or what measures their own employees might have to go to protect them.

The AP reports that early this morning in Shelton, Connecticut, a 36-year-old Cumberland Farms clerk witnessed a man steal two David Hasselhoff ads from the store and put them into his SUV. The employee tried to stop the thief, but "police say the worker was struck and dragged by the SUV and landed on his head." Holy shit.

The employee's name was not released, but he's listed in critical condition. We can only hope that not only is he OK, with his medical expenses paid in full by his employer, but that the Hoff personally pays a visit to the working-class hero, who also gets a serious promotion and a better shift. We can only hope.

[ // Hoff ad images via Full Contact ]

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