The Washington Post’s David Weigel has an account of a CNN happy hour event featuring Lindsey Graham, and the whole thing is oddly delightful, if only for reminding us of a time, in the sepia-toned long-ago, when Lindsey Graham still existed.

Wait, this was today? Holy hell.

CNN’s annual “Politics on Tap” Happy Hour was held in Boulder, Colorado and Graham was the event’s first “celebrity bartender,” where “celebrity” can be understood to mean “man who is apparently still hanging around.”

Graham, whose family owned a bar in Central, S.C., took to the evening with aplomb, posing for pictures and joking with the journalists and activists who’d RSVP’d. Egged on by CNN’s David Chalian and Dana Bash, he poured pints and shots for party attendees.

“To the Donald!” Graham said, after pouring several rounds of Jack Daniel’s and joining in a toast.

The real highlight of the evening, though, came when Bash decided to engage Graham in a game of “Fuck, Marry, Kill.” A very CNN’ed, Lindsey Graham’ed version of “Fuck, Marry, Kill.”

“There is a fun bar game, which I will clean up, because we are in mixed company, and on television,” said Bash. “So, I’m going to call it: Date, marry, or make disappear forever.”


The choices were Hillary Clinton, Carly Fiorina, and Sarah Palin.

Was this a painful turn of events for the chronically single Graham?

“You don’t want me to do the Mormon thing here,” said Graham, an apparent reference to plural marriage.

Oooooooooh, you devil!

So, who does Lindsey Graham date?

“Sarah Palin—we’ll go hunting on our first date.”

And who—in an alternate universe in which Lindsey Graham is the marrying type—would Graham marry?

“Carly, because she’s rich.”

Romantic! And so that means Graham is making Hillary Clinton disappear forever?

“No, but is she rich? She said she was flat broke.”

No one knows what the hell this means.

Sadly, the conversation turned, inevitably, to Graham’s experience as a candidate for the Republican Presidential nomination, which surely must have ended months ago—years, even. It was not a happy time for Graham, whose brand of folksy charm he says was undone by the lack of a live studio audience.

“You’d tell a joke, and no one laughed. Kind of like right now,” muttered Graham, staring into the bottomless depths of a double old fashioned glass half-filled with tepid water, probably.

[Washington Post]

Photo via AP