Lance Armstrong, one of the biggest dicks and frauds in the history of men, is shocked that people cannot forget what a dick and a fraud he is—even now, months after he let his girlfriend take the fall for “partying” and hitting cars. This guy! He literally thinks he is “Voldemort,” the villain in the “Harry Potter” novels.

In a new interview with the Telegraph, Lance reveals that his sad life now consists of golfing every day in a “sort of luxury purgatory between his homes in Austin and Aspen.” He is sorry for cheating at cycling, but haha not really: “I’m not going to be sorry for certain things,” he says. “I can only do so much.”

He also shows off his literary side and talks about himself in the third person:

I’m that guy everybody wants to pretend never lived. But it happened, everything happened. We know what happened. Now it’s swung so far the other way... who’s that character in Harry Potter they can’t talk about? Voldemort? It’s like that on every level. If you watch the Tour on American TV, if you read about it, it’s as if you can’t mention him.

Lance Armstrong. Maybe people aren’t talking about you because nobody cares?

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