Joaquin Phoenix told an elaborate story about yoga last night on the Late Show, wildly acting out a position called "harnessing the hog," which apparently involved his instructor cradling his man-bits with a strap. The punchline: They started dating and are now engaged.

Not really, though.

"It was a joke," Phoenix's publicist told the Independent, "Joaquin has an extraordinary and spontaneous sense of humor, but it is not true."

And just when you thought you could trust anything Joaquin Phoenix says on a late-night show, too! (No one actually thought this.)

Sadly (fortunately?), harnessing the hog doesn't even appear to be a real yoga position, which means Joaquin Phoenix's hog remains unharnessed in more ways than one. Namaste, dudes and ladies who love aggressively quirky Hollywood weirdos.

[H/T NYMag]