The latest in the slow, sad, inevitable decline of America's romantic aspirations: Beyoncé is shopping for a new Manhattan apartment, a source tells the New York Post, to live in without her famous husband.
Bey, according to the Post's source, checked out the $21.5 million penthouse on West 19th Street in Chelsea "on the sly" last month.
Let's look at all the ways the news might not spell the end of their marriage. Maybe Beyoncé was shopping for a place for she and Jay Z together? Impossible:
Fueling the notion that Beyoncé is not shopping for the both of them is the fact that Jay Z has always been extremely involved in their real-estate deals, sources said.
Yet he was nowhere to be seen during the apartment showing, they added.
OK, but Jay is a busy man. Are we sure he didn't have a prior commitment to laying around on fancy couches with Rick Rubin or something that day? Yes, we are sure:
Jay also would be loathe to leave their current posh Tribeca pad, a source said.
Noting that the couple's 8,309-square-foot Tribeca crib is more than twice the size of the 4,045-square-foot West 19th Street pad Bey was looking at, the source added, "I can say with certainty that Jay is not downsizing."
That leaves one option: Beyoncé, fabulously wealthy family woman that she is, is buying a place for her mother or her sister. No she is not, because Beyoncé is not that generous:
"There's no way a $20 million apartment is for her mother or her sister. That would be wildly unlikely,'' the source said.
If you're not totally convinced by now that Beyoncé and Jay Z's marriage is on the outs, and that you, like them, will end up alone forever in your multi-million dollar penthouse, staring through floor-to-ceiling windows at what really is an excellent view of the Hudson River, but it doesn't fulfill you like you thought it would because you've got no one to share it with, and you're wondering whether it's all your fault, whether at one point you could have bit the bullet and saved this thing, damnit, if only for that sweet, sweet On The Run tour money, then there will be no convincing you, you hopeless romantic. It's over.
[Image via AP]