Former Wall Street executive Michael Lucarelli's insider trader sentencing hearing was reportedly a sad, debased retrospective of his life as a wealthy, adventurous, ulcer-prone financier.
Lucarelli, a former Lippert/Heilshorn & Associates director, pleaded guilty to insider trading in September, admitting he had pocketed around $1 million in trades based on his clients' unreleased quarterly results.
He talked himself up:
But that was a sideshow compared to Lucarelli's bizarre rant before Manhattan federal Judge Jesse Furman, in which he blamed his former bosses for cheating him out of his commissions.
He also talked up his bona fides as he bragged about working with supermodels Iman and Kathy Ireland and winning a fistfight with his father when he was 16.
He talked himself down:
Lucarelli also played the sympathy card, telling the judge that his marriage failed after he was hit and injured by a taxi.
"I couldn't perform my sexual duties, and she's 20 years younger," he said of the split from his wife two years ago.
The 52-year-old said his inside trading was fueled by drugs and resentment of the Midtown firm, which he said owed him money on commissions.
"I didn't take the drugs to get high, I did it because I can't drink coffee — that's a painful trip to the bathroom," Lucarelli said.
"If you're a good driver, which I am, they don't care about insider trading."