Idiot Historians Bring Back Cursed Doll
If you hate both sleep and maintaining a general sense of well-being, then boy, do these historians have just the thing for you: Brand new, remastered recordings of long-dead children chanting nursery rhymes. Because when the eternally trapped spirit of a little girl shrieks at you from beyond the grave—you want to be able to hear it.
The recordings come from Thomas Edison’s famed and terrifying talking dolls, which were a disaster even in Edison’s time. From an 1888 edition of the New York Evening Sun:
Here Mr. Edison wound up a sweet little creature as an illustration of his last remark. In a hoarse, husky, deep tone the doll growled out these words: “Oh, dear mamma, your dollie is tired now; put me in my little bed, dear mamma.” The effect was more amusing and instructive than natural.
But last month, the foolish historians who knew not what they wrought posted three, “never-before-heard,” carefully remastered recordings. Giving the whole world access to the ungodly sounds emanating from a cold, metal approximation of a child.
NOW I LAY ME DOOWN TO SLEEP,
the little girl says from a time past.
I PRAY THE LORD MY SOUUULLL. TO. KEEP.
And so on.
You can listen to the recordings below if you’d like to live an audio version of The Ring for the rest of your days. And as for the little girl, you can take comfort in knowing that she is definitely dead by now.
OR IS SHE?!
(She is.)
