[There was a video here]

For John “Carl Solomon” McCain.


Are you ready to make America great again?

Heads are spinning.

Media heads are spinning.

This is going to be so much fun.


Right winging, bitter clinging, proud clingers

of our guns, our god, and our religions,

and our Constitution.


These are unifying values,

from big cities and tiny towns,

from big mountain states and The Big Apple.


You hard-working Iowa families.

You farm families, and teachers, and teamsters, and cops, and cooks!

You rock ‘n’ rollers, and holy rollers, all of you who work so hard.

You full-time moms, you with the hands that rock the cradle, you all make the world go round.

And now our cause is one.

And I got to say—yeah—I’ll go—send me—

You betcha.


Contact the author at gabrielle@gawker.com.