In today's New York Times, prose stylist Nick Bilton ponders a serious issue:

It's the ultimate first world problem. You go to the Apple store, drop $400 for an iPhone 6 and then discover it doesn't fit in your pocket.


While it's easy to joke about this being a non-problem, this is actually a bit of a real issue, given that the smartphone is arguably the most important gadget in our lives today, and one that is usually just inches away from us.

These are sad realities of the sad times we live in. You spend four Benjamins on a huge phone marketed on its hugeness and THEN realize that it's too big for a small pocket. Obama's America.

Luckily we have some suggestions for how you can integrate the iPhone 6 enormé into your life without busting your seams or bending the poor thing.

  1. Carry it on a leash.
  2. Clench it between your butt cheeks.
  3. Hang it from your ear gauges.
  4. Hire a servant to hold it.
  5. Put it in your fedora ribbon.
  6. Get a limb amputated and have it surgically attached to your body in place of that limb.
  7. Third boob
  8. Loincloth

Good luck!