Who's ready for Christmas???

Ad Age reports that Walmart, the Dark God of All Retail, has summoned all the nation's consumer media for a "private event" at which they revealed the Mandatory 2014 Christmas Toys that you will be desperately searching for in vain this December.

You will be so excited to learn what The Hot Toy is, parents!!!

Disney's "Frozen" is expected to be hot this year, and Walmart is preparing for the frenzy with Elsa dolls by Jakks and Mattel, decorative cookie kits by Disney, bedding, lamps and lip gloss, just to name a few "Frozen"-themed products.

"There's going to be a stress level about 'Frozen' this holiday season," said Ginny Rothschild, VP of U.S. bed and bath. "We're going to have it. We've got it in so many different categories."

Motherfucking Frozen. Yay. Kill yourselves or move to Siberia now before it's too late.

Happy Holiday season to one and all!

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