Here's What You Can Expect From Today's Viking Apocalypse
Happy Ragnarök, brethren! According to Nordic mythology, while you sit nursing your bloody Mary on this unseasonably sunny Saturday morning, you're probably going to feel the earth move beneath your feet until that very same earth no longer exists. It's over.
While the news of another similarly apocalyptic situation unravels, the Viking allies of the world will be gathering to witness an epic battle between Norse gods until no human life remains. Last year, powerful god Heimdallr blew on the Gjallarhorn—a mystical horn that is able to predict the end of the world—and the apocalyptic day has been fast approaching ever since.
Don't feel entirely prepared to say goodbye to earth and all the goodness that it fosters? Did you reserve February 22 for cleaning out your storage space? Here's what you can expect (all times TBA):
There will be an epic battle between the gods, in this case Odin, the Allfather of the gods, along with other major gods including Thor, the god of thunder, Freja, the goddess of love, and Loki, the trickster god.
Who doesn't love a good epic battle between allfathers and tricksters? This is also the proposed plot of an upcoming Space Jam reboot, which we'll never get a chance to see now.
A giant serpent named Jormungand will rise from the sea and a wolf called Fenrir will devour the sun.
That sounds reasonable, normal. Looking forward to it.
At the end of the battle, the entire world will sink beneath the waves and all humans will die — except for two, according to folklore.
THIS COULD BE YOU. AND YOUR FRIEND. How's your swimming?
Those, Lif and Lifthrasir (Life and Lust), will come up from the underworld to repopulate the world.
Oh. It's not you. Or your friend. It's two Norse characters with really similar first names. And everyone else will be dead, including you, including me, including websites. Luckily you can monitor the demise of all precious life as we know it while it collapses to Viking dominance with the hashtag #Ragnarok2014. Or build a Viking ship out of recycled bottles and Noah your way out of this one.