As the Baby Name Critic was finishing her second Americano today, her editor informed her that her responsibilities at have expanded to include not just celebrity baby names, but analyses of baby-name data when necessary. Then the Baby Name Critic was sent this chart, from the Randian Costco of websites,

Hmm, interesting! I suppose Democrats and Republicans do name their babies different names, instead of the same names. In a more extreme period of life, the Baby Name Critic thought it might be appropriate to have ten government-approved names for babies, five for girls and five for boys, so people didn't name their little ones things like Coo Coo or Jibbles. The Baby Name Critic has since relaxed in her views, and thinks there should be 20 government-approved names.

So in viewing this chart, the Baby Name Critic can only conclude that it is a load of stupid horseshit. The creators of "Nametrix," a baby-naming app (why?), have only served to enforce the wicked stereotype that Republicans are leather-skinned men named Biff and Democrats are teachers named Mia. But really: the most important thing is to not be a loser and name your baby politically. Never, ever name your baby after a president, supreme court justice, senator, representative, cabinet member, water commissioner, undersecretary, governor, or political party official. This will make your baby a loser from the time it is born, because all politicians and their ilk are desperate nerd-divas, barely scraping by. And you do not want to impose that legacy on your baby.

This has been Baby Name Critic, in a slightly different form.

Leah Finnegan is Gawker's Baby Name Critic.

[Screenshot via Vox]