At the first Thanksgiving, the natives of this continent rescued white men by feeding them corn—or, as they called it, "maize." In gratefulness, white men now nourish us all with a fantasy about penetrating the underworld of the feminized exotic other—or, as they call her, "Slutty Pocahontas."
This was the spirit of thanksgiving in which students of the Phi Sigma Kappa fraternity at Cal Poly State University in San Luis Obispo offered their "Colonial Bros and Nava-Hos" party, in which the men are conquering pilgrims and the women are pliant Disney maidens. Apparently, however, this slavish fealty to historical detail and loving tribute to Thanksgiving traditions is frowned upon by the real modern-day Puritans, college professors, and the frat is now under investigation for "culturally insensitive, sexist, and offensive behavior"—or, as the natives called it, "thoughtcrime":
"Personally, I don't think it was meant to be racist," said a Cal Poly student and fraternity member named Daniel, who declined to provide his last name. Daniel, who said his fraternity was not associated with the party, said Greek life involves a lot of "guy-and-girl"-themed parties. Although he could not confirm what the party was called, he said it was meant to fit with Thanksgiving.
"It's unfair," he said. "We are taught that Thanksgiving is Pilgrims and Indians."
Tell it, Daniel! Anyway, the ladies-as-rapeable-native-women campus party theme dates all the way back to the first Thanksgiving—or, as I call it, 2011. That's when Duke libtards first started narc-ing on pilgrim-and-Indian fraternity parties that sought "the attendance of 'hot natives' and "pocahotness.'" Of course, critics were swimming upstream: By 2012, our traditions had already made it to Canada, where campus Dekes adapted the sacred rites as a "Western Bros and Nava-Hoes" party at the University of Alberta.
Sure, there are critics—like Kirsten Lindquist, the head of U of Alberta's Native Studies Student Association. "There are 500 missing and murdered aboriginal women and some think it's okay for someone to come up with a name they think is clever—'Nava-hoes'—and that's seriously not okay," she told the CBC after the Dekes' party—or, as we call it, a solemn commemoration.
Do you think capitalism is merely clever, Kirsten? Or military industrialization, or conspicuous consumption, or smallpox blankets? I certainly hope not; for, like bros-and-navahoes, these are a part of our history, and you cannot suppress them, any more than you can suppress the muzzle flash of an AR-15, the ownership of which is also a part of our history. Joke's on you, Kirsten! Puritan moralizers, who clearly have nothing in common with our Plymouth Rock forebears, can't stop what's already an indelible part of the American pageant of history. Or, as I call it, bullshit.
[Image of a Victoria's Secret fashion show via AP]