In the Washington Post today, Reza Aslan debunks five myths about Jesus—he wasn't born in Bethlehem, he was not an only child, etc. But what is this mythbuster not telling you? Scholars say there are at least five more myths about Jesus.

1) Jesus turned water into wine.

Without owning a vineyard, or even a barrel for proper aging? Hardly seems likely. Even if he did, the process takes about four weeks. It's not an instantaneous thing. It's more likely that Jesus had an accomplice switch the water with wine when no one was looking.

2) Jesus walked on water

Water does not have sufficient surface tension to support the weight of a human.

3) Jesus healed the paralytic at Capernaum

"The Synoptics state that a paralytic was brought to Jesus on a mat; Jesus told him to get up and walk, and the man did so." This is a myth—paralyzed people cannot walk. That dude wasn't paralyzed. Either that, or someone is lying about what went down.

4) Jesus fed 5,000 men with five loaves of bread and two fish

Even in the days before nachos were invented, the average man's stomach cannot be filled by one one-thousandth of a loaf of bread and one-2,500th of a fish, even allowing for "loaf of bread" to be interpreted as one of those six-foot party sub loaves and "fish" to be interpreted as a really big fish. The only possible loophole would be if Jesus were addressing some sort of dieter's convention, but this is not mentioned anywhere in the gospels.

5) Jesus rose from the dead


Know what else is holy? My butt.

[Photo: Flickr]