It seems that “Big Food” will never truly understand the desires of you, the regular American consumer, who just wants a tasty dang hot dog, is that too much to ask after a hard day?? A little flavor??
Mainstream media outlet “New York Times” today would have us believe that there is a “condiment war” afoot—a war between Big Condiment Company A and Interchangeable Big Condiment Company B to see who can win your business this summer with their bland and predictable condiments. Heinz is trying to sell more mustard; French’s is trying to sell more ketchup. Does this in fact constitute a “condiment war?” Or is it not more likely that you, the hardworking American flavor seeker, have grown weary of the “same old” condiments pushed onto your plate by Big Condiment? From the NYT:
Condiment sales in the United States have been less than piquant over the last several years. Sales of ketchup and mustard, the No. 2 and No. 4 condiments — mayonnaise is first and barbecue sauce is third — were almost flat at $1.2 billion in the 52 weeks that ended March 22, according to IRI.
And the amount, or volume, of ketchup and mustard sold fell 2 percent.
Condiment war? Sounds to me like this is more like condiment ennui. Flavor-seeking Americans are sick and tired of being fed minor variations on the same old themes of “ketchup” and “mustard” and “that one prick from Belgium who puts mayo on a hot dog.”
What do American condiment seekers want? Real bold flavors.
The condiment company that gives us that shall win the day. Until then—please save your “condiment war” scaremongering for a less sophisticated audience. It will not fly here.