[There was a video here]

After nearly three hours of monotone droning by a bunch of sweaty old people who will almost certainly never be president, tonight’s Republican debate finally delivered with a bizarre question about potential Secret Service names that produced incredibly absurd answers from every single candidate.

The final segment of the debate was devoted to free association-style questions. The dais was first asked which woman they would put on the $10 bill, with the most popular answer being: myyyy wiiiife. Then each candidate was prompted to offer what their Secret Service code name would be if they were elected president, and holy hell was each answer absolutely nuts.

Here are the candidates’ real, actual answers, each of which delivers such a perfect morsel of conservative id:

  • Chris Christie: “True Heart”
  • John Kasich: “Unit One”
  • Carly Fiorina: “Secretariat”
  • Scott Walker: “Harley”
  • Jeb Bush: “Ever-Ready”
  • Donald Trump: “Humble”
  • Ben Carson: “One Nation”
  • Ted Cruz: “Cohiba”
  • Marco Rubio: “Gator”
  • Mike Huckabee: “Duck Hunter”
  • Rand* Paul: “Justice Never Sleeps”

Cohiba! Duck Hunter! Justice Never Sleeps! Secretariat!!!

I swear this is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life.

Contact the author at jordan@gawker.com.