Earlier this month, a librarian in Canada stumbled across a forgotten copy of the original Star Wars shooting script. Which, uh...no offense to Canada, but we already have seen the first (fourth) Star Wars. What we really want is the script for the new one, The Force Awakens. And we’re willing to pay.

Yes, only the select few who have sacrificed their firstborn and answered George Lucas’s riddles three to get jobs working on the new movie will have official copies of the script. But we’re willing to bet it’s already found its way into any number of other hands—including hands that may have recently navigated to this particular post.

So you have the Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens script (from any draft stage!), a portion of the script, or know someone who does have the script, we want to hear from you. And depending on what you have, we’re willing to pay cold, hard cash. Or we can warm it up first! Whatever your preference—we’re here to serve.

We are not endorsing acquiring the script by any illegal means. Illegal things are bad! But if you are already in possession of the script and feeling frisky, let’s chat.

You can email me here if you’ve got what we’re looking for. And JJ Abrams, no need to feel left out—this offer extends to you as well. Call us.

Contact the author at ashley@gawker.com. Art by Jim Cooke.