One brave mother is speaking out about the latest critical threat to American children’s “impressionable young minds.” I mean, of course, a shirt with two bees in ghost costumes, the caption “Boo Bees” emblazoned across the chest. Despite the obvious peril such a salacious garment presents to our nation’s little girls, the anonymous hero mom is being careful not to speak out too loudly, because she’s afraid Big Ang from Mob Wives might find out and have her whacked.
The “Boo Bees” shirt (a subtle reference to breasts, which everyone agrees children should never be exposed to), you see, comes from the Bee Tween boutique in West Brighton, New York. And Bee Tween is owned by Janine Detore.
And who is Janine Detore? She’s the sister of “Big Ang.” And what is “Big Ang?” It’s a nickname director Ang Lee’s best buds use with him on the basketball court, probably. But also, it’s the name of a pair of sentient wax lips from TV, and the uncle of those wax lips was allegedly a scary-ass mob boss.
That’s why this mom will stand up for what is right and true and moral, and stand against bad puns in an interview with the New York Post, but she won’t tell the paper her name. She is afraid of retribution from a television character.
“I would go to the store and say something, but I’m afraid Big Ang may come after me,” said the anonymous anti-pun crusader, who says she has three children.
“It’s fine if some adult bimbo wants to wear it — but a young impressionable girl? It’s insulting as a woman and a mother. We don’t need clothing like that out there influencing impressionable young minds.”
Look, our kids are a tabula rasa, a blank slate. And if you think for one second that the fine people of West Brighton will let the goddamn Cosa Nostra fill that slate with mammary-related puns, you’ve got another think coming, buster.
Just don’t let Big Ang hear you say that.