Nearly a decade after Central Perk burned to the ground, trapping all of the Friends inside it, David Schwimmer continues to be the lamest character in everyone's lives.
The people who hate him now? His neighbors.
Earlier this week, one of Schwimmer's COOL neighbors graffiti'd some caustic anti-Ross propaganda—"ROSS IS NOT COOL"—on a plywood construction board near the actor's new home. A photo snapped by a resident on Tuesday morning was published on the East Village neighborhood blog evgrieve.com. (The words were painted over later in the day, though their hateful truth can never be erased.)
While, admittedly, there are any number of reasons why one might deem "Ross" "uncool," the most obvious one, in this instance, is that the man who made millions of dollars pretending to be him on television—David Schwimmer—purchased a beautifully preserved 1852 Tuscan-inspired townhouse in the East Village a couple years ago, and then immediately had it demolished so that he could erect a new townhouse, better suited to the needs and tastes of David Schwimmer, in its place. EV Grieve has been tracking his neighbors' wrath since building plans were announced.
For now, there is nothing for Schwimmer to do but sink down into the bubbles of his beautiful new mansion's oversized bathtub, frantically scrubbing off layers of red, raw skin in the hope that if he scrubs down deep enough, he will find a layer of COOL (he will not; he is David Schwimmer down to the bone), and wonder which of his neighbors hates him enough to express it via art.