One of the bravest things a person can do in the year 2022 is care about the Oscars. Becoming emotionally invested in which wealthy, beautiful person will get to take home a shiny gold man is not exactly cool, but it is what I’ve signed up for. As such, I dragged my ass to the YouTube livestream of the nominations this morning in order to get upset/elated/surprised about movies that I watched on Netflix two months ago.
In between jokes about presenter Leslie Jordan being short and a discussion of the nominated films with a guy who makes TikToks about being a production assistant on The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, we got some great ???s and !!!s. ???s and !!!s are not snubs and surprises, but rather things that made you go, “Huh?” and things that made you go, “Oh!” For example, Judi Dench getting a nomination for Belfast is a ??? and Ryûsuke Hamaguchi getting a nomination for Best Director is a !!!. Do you get it now? Even if you don’t, let’s get started.
The Top ???s
No House of Gucci Acting Nominations???
As we all know, Lady Gaga has been vying harder than anyone in the race for a Best Actress nomination. There is a good chance she is still in character as we speak. The heart breaks imagining the head of CAA frantically calling up the best florist in Los Angeles to get a condolences bouquet ready — perhaps red roses interspersed with some salami to celebrate Patrizia Reggiani’s Italian heritage. That’s all well and good, but the real shame is that Jared Leto couldn’t eke out a nomination. Despite the fact that I find him morally repugnant, he is incredible in House of Gucci.
Don’t Look Up for Best Editing???
This is a movie that was edited in the same way that they edit Sesame Street. Did you see that? Pay close attention! This will be important! It treats its audience like a child that can’t read, which is perfect for Academy voters.
Diane Warren nominated again???
Stop taunting this woman. This is Warren’s 13th Oscar nomination for Best Song, and she has never won. Now, she has been nominated for her song “Somehow You Do” from the film Four Good Days, which some of you might know as the Mila Kunis and Glenn Close addiction movie but most of you do now know at all. Sadly, the film was snubbed for best makeup, which I assume Mila did herself.
How Do I Watch King Richard???
The biopic about Venus and Serena Williams’s dad was nominated for six awards including Best Picture, Best Actor, and Best Original Screenplay, but here’s the problem: it’s not streaming. It was on HBOMax for a bit, but I had other things to do. You can’t rent it, it’s not in theaters, and your only option is to pay $20 to own it. What if I don’t like it! There must be a better way.
The Top !!!s
Heterosexual love, that is. Married couples Javier Bardem and Pénelope Cruz and Kirsten Dunst and Jesse Plemons were all nominated for acting awards, the former couple as leads and the latter for their supporting roles. Maybe marriage isn’t dead.
Drive My Car and The Worst Person in the World both getting Best Screenplay nominations? Well, that’s a cause for celebration. Drive My Car was even nominated for Best Picture! That’s a three-hour Japanese film adapted from a Haruki Murakami short story that prominently features a production of Uncle Vanya. Finally, a case for taste. I’m sure it will be a great honor for the whole team to lose to Don’t Look Up.
Maggie Gyllenhaal, Writer!!!
Getting nominated for Best Adapted Screenplay for The Lost Daughter means that Maggie Gyllenhaal is the first Oscar-nominated screenwriter whose Architectural Digest home tour I have watched at least five times. I hope this is the start of a trend, and that Cara Delevigne pens her magnum opus in the coming years.
No Don’t Look Up Acting Nominations!!!
For a second there it looked like Leonardo DiCaprio was going to get his seventh acting nomination for an overcooked Peter Finch impression, but thankfully God had other plans.