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Earth, I'm sorry sweetie

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New York City has flooded, California wildfires have released too much CO2 into the air, and baby poop is full of microplastics. How will we ever fix these climate related-disasters and save humanity from perishing in the impending water wars? With humor, of course.

Laughter is the best medicine, even for a giant rock floating around an even more giant star. That’s why all seven of the big name late night hosts — Stephen Colbert, Seth Meyers, Trevor Noah, Jimmy Fallon, James Corden, Jimmy Kimmel, and Samantha Bee — have teamed up to turn tonight into #ClimateNight.

Each host will tackle the climate crisis in their own way; Seth Meyers is having John Kerry on as a guest (was Al Gore busy?) and I imagine James Corden will be doing Carpool Karaoke with a penguin covered in oil.

Samantha Bee told the New York Times that this kind of cross-show event was unheard of, and that the subject provided the basis for them to all come together. “What’s a more compelling cause to combine forces on than the climate, which we require in order to do our shows,” she said, probably as a joke but also not really.

I hope you’ll excuse me while I address Earth one-on-one for a second. Baby, you don’t deserve this. I’m so sorry that we sent our weakest soldiers to fight our biggest battle. We even photoshopped them all with globes and solar panels into one picture and it looks so awful, I am so sorry. I think if anything you should speed it up and just wipe us all out now.

I would rather let the seas boil and the wildfires rage and the polar bears all die than watch one second of this. Earth: I’m so sorry, sweetie.