The Masked Singer, the disturbing singing contest wherein C- and D-list celebrities don elaborate costumes and sing embarrassing songs for a panel of has-been judges, enters the public conversation only when the show hosts a ghoulish old criminal, which it does somewhat often. The most recent ghoulish old criminal was Rudy Giuliani.
If you feel like you’ve been hearing about this for half of your life so far and, wait, are you crazy?, did you have a premonition about this?, it’s because the news that Rudy Giuliani appeared on the show was first reported in February, and there was similar hubbub when Sarah Palin appeared on the show in 2020, ushering in the COVID-19 pandemic. Although I was sure Ken Jeong walked out when Sarah Palin was revealed to be the one rapping “Baby Got Back,” I cannot find evidence to support it. Jeong did walk out this time, though, for a brief amount of time, as Rudy Giuliani sang “Bad to the Bone.”
It would be easy to make a pronouncement about how we live in a hell world dumpster fire, and this is the darkest timeline, and so on, and it’s possible that all of that is true, but ultimately I think my and your takeaway from this should be: it’s not our business. We would not know this was happening if we didn’t hear about it online, and it would not change our lives in any material way if we didn’t.
Of course, I am guilty of bringing it to you today. Perhaps I will one day have to do time on The Masked Singer for my sins. But if there is a secondary takeaway, I’d like to bring your attention to judge Nicole Scherzinger asking with breathless excitement if Rudy Giuliani is Robert Duvall.
Oh, babe. No, that’s not Robert Duvall. :(