Probably due to the outsize influence our breathless coverage of her has among powerful Hollywood types, Jojo Siwa, our Dancing with the Stars darling and the most famous person in the world to any six-year-old in 2017, was invited to the American Music Awards last night hosted by Cardi B. As a child laborer for Nickelodeon content mines, she is normally expected to trod the orange carpet in high street sweats — but last night’s look was anything but expected. According to Us Weekly, this was Jojo’s first time in dress and heels at an event. She borrowed the heels from her DWTS partner Jenna, who every website wants us to know had nothing to do with her break-up from Kylie Prew (RIP; they shared two beautiful moments) even though none of us were thinking that, you freak pervs.
Rocking a Diana “revenge dress” neckline and so much tulle, Jojo looked gorgeous, obviously. Cardi announced to the audience that Jojo was too booked to attend her daughter Kulture’s third birthday earlier this year, but she was hoping Jojo might Argentine tango down the chimney this Christmas to make it up to the wealthy toddler.
"JoJo, can you please come see my daughter at Christmas? I know you cost a lot of money. Y'all rappers ain't got nothing on JoJo Siwa," Cardi asked.
While presenting an award later, Jojo addressed her busy schedule and did a bit of poll-based intimidation and bribery. “Cardi, I’m gonna see what I can do and I’m gonna try and make Christmas happen, I promise. Putting it in my phone right now. I take Bitcoin,” Jojo rasped. “Actually, I take that back, all I need is for you to vote for me tomorrow night in the season finale of Dancing with the Stars.”
A person can text up to ten votes for Jojo tonight. If Kulture doesn’t want Christmas to be canceled this year, she better remove her phone from her Birkin bag for babies and start smashing that send button now.